Richmond Fire Department 

So you found the FUNNIES page!

Does this remind anyone of Karl Carter?

Click here to send email to FRANCIS at the station

(Chicks in bikinis, of course)

This one is for Ralph

MISSOURI PARAMEDIC HUNTING REGULATIONS AND HARVEST LIMITS

Due to the shortage of the natural white tail deer population in the Missouri wilderness, the deer season will be canceled for the 2001-2002 harvest season. However, due to the overabundance of certain pests and vermin species in the state, there will be an extended season on Paramedics. Paramedics are known by several different names - among them: Paragods; Paramystics; Parawonderfuls; Paramagics; Paramaybes; and Self-Important idiots.The season will run from March 1, 2001 to February 28, 2002. This in no way coincides with the breeding season, as the Paramedic is sterile due to inbreeding among themselves, which took place many years ago. The Paramedic is a cross between a Three-toed Sloth and a Pekinese (much like the sterile mule which is a cross between a horse and a jackass. )

REGULATIONS

1. No paramedics may be shot over bait - i.e. wounded bodies, blood pools, telephones, computers, CPR manikins, coffee pots, etc.

2. No paramedics may be hunted by a party larger than 250 people or more than 300 bloodhounds.

3. No paramedics may be shot in or around fire stations, so as to avoid injuries to firefighters due to ricochets from attempting head shots.

4. Red flashing lights may not be used due to the unnatural swarming effect this has on them, and will be construed as bait.

5. Traps must have the ability to main, if not kill, and at least insure that the wounded paramedic will forever "walk funny."

6. Daily bag limit is twenty-three (23). No season limit.

7. All paramedics’ paraphernalia found on the carcass (i.e. scissors, hemostats, leathermans, tape, pens, penlights, pocket protractors, protocol manual, etc.) must be dropped in the corner collection barrels.

8. Clean up is required at all kill sites when you leave - as this will attract other paramedics, and will be construed as bait.

HUNTING TIPS

The best hunting is around hospital emergency rooms, main office of administration, and any other place they can attempt to impress ignorant people. Ambulance and rescue rigs usually contain several paramedics, so it is advised to pump several rounds into them to insure multiple kills.

REMEMBER, ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT PARAMEDICS

Initial plans are now complete for the office area of the new fire station.

This one is for Public Works.

Rank Definitions For Firefighters

Chief
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a ladder truck.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Gives Policy to GOD.

Assistant Chief
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a pumper.
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools.
Talks with GOD if special request is approved.

Captain
Makes high marks on buildings when trying to leap them.
Is run over by a pumper.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.
Dog paddles in swimming pools.
Talks with animals.

Lieutenant
Runs into buildings when trying to leap them.
Recognizes pumpers two out of three times.
Is not allowed to use guns.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket.
Talks to walls.

Engineer
Barely clears straw huts.
Loses tug-of-war with pumpers.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by GOD.

Fire Fighter
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks fire engines and equipment out of the way.
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
Talks to himself.

The first question on the Entrance Exam.

Someone learned a valuable lesson here.

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine crew that brings them out safely!"

As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire department composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

In the distance, the other firemen watched as the old-timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting, the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually, the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money.

The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the dang brakes on that truck!"

Hmmmmmmmmm........

Some Basic Rules of Firefighting

1. We are not Supermen.
2. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
3. Don't look conspicuous.
4. When in doubt, empty your pockets.
5. Never share a hoseline with anyone braver than you.
6. Never forget that our truck was made by the lowest bidder.
7. If our initial attack is going really well, the building will probably be a total loss.
8. No pre-plan survives the first fire intact.
9. All 5 minute breaks will last 3 minutes.
10. Try to look unimportant because the press may be low on quotes.
11. The small glow we have been ignoring is probably the main fire.
12. The important things are always simple.
13. The simple things are always hard.
14. The easy way never ends up being easy.
15. If you are short of everything except confusion, you are in a fire.
16. If you opened it, close it.
17. Backdraft has the right-of-way.
18. No fire-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
19. If it starts in the bay, don't shut it off till it gets back to the bay.
20. "LOOK OUT" doesn't mean to look up..
21. Things that must be together to work usually cannot be shipped together.
22. Radios will fail as soon as you need water supply.
23. Anything we do can get us into trouble, including doing nothing.
24. Water streams work both ways.
25. Make it tough for the public to get in and we can't get out.
26. If you take it off the truck, don't keep it a secret..
27. Professional firefighters are predictable but the world is full of amateurs.
28. Murphy was a firefighter.

"Uh, we are gonna need extrication here..."